The Innkeeper's Tales

Men, Guard Your Nipples

by Tereasa Surratt

The bluegills may look small, but they have a big bite.

And so we introduce The Innkeeper's Tales, an ongoing (as in, whenever they send dispatches) series written by the interesting, charming, and generous people who run the hotels we love and take such great care of us at our homes-away-from-home. First up, Tereasa Surratt, an advertising executive who runs Wandawega Lake Resort in Wisconsin.

On a sunny July afternoon, one of our guests came striding up from the lake with several Band-Aids covering his nipples. We've seen stranger things, I guess. But I can't remember when. 

I tried not to stare.

"I know," he said, completely aware that I was struggling to avert my eyes. "The bluegills were trying to milk me."

I'm pretty sure at least two ounces of lager came out my nose. I would have tried to contain myself if he hadn't been laughing, too. Apparently, the bluegill that swim in our waters are farsighted and often mistake the random underwater nipple for the tip of a worm.

Since there's nothing like adding insult to injury, he went on to explain that his wife had an enormous mosquito bite on her back. Clearly, our little friends enjoy all manner of bumps and lumps. She spun around to show off her Band-Aids.

Should your travels take you to our resort, there are two things you need to pack when you visit us:

1. extra Band-Aids (also known as "bluegill guards")

2. a sense of humor (which you'll need if you have to explain your unusual tan lines).


Wandawega Lake Resort
W5433 Lakeview
Elkhorn, Wisconsin 53121

We make every effort to ensure the information in our articles is accurate at the time of publication. But the world moves fast, and even we double-check important details before hitting the road.